Dear God, It’s Me…


Dear God, It's Me...

My place on beach in FLA.

Dear God, 

It’s me. I know life isn’t fair and every other cliche thats out there. And I know we’re supposed to rely on You for everything. EVERYTHING! Because in reality You are the only one that can meet all of our needs. But I’m struggling a little bit with my expectations of people and I need help. 

Going through the divorce really showed me, who my friends really were. Someone who had been very close to me for over almost two years stopped speaking to me. She knew the hell my kids and I were going through and my desperate struggle between right & wrong and protecting them. But the minute I agreed to the divorce, our friendship ended. 

My best friend since August of 1991 has been beside me through thick and thin and this past year is no exception. She has blessed me with her support, not only emotionally, but spiritually and physically. She is honest without being judgmental. I can be me with her and know she will still love me. In a way, she’s the closest thing I have to You. I mean, well, You know what I mean. 

Then there are others who’ve been in my life for a long time and some for a very short time. I think this is where I struggle. I have become close to 3 of these women on different levels throughout the year. Each of these friendships have taken different paths than I expected them too. It’s not been all that pleasant. Two of the issues I’ve made peace with, but one is really bothering me. I’m not sure what to do with my hurt feelings. I keep telling myself that it’s ok, people are not perfect and I just need to rise above it all. But it’s hard. 

My life coach (Dr. F) has said that single moms don’t need a shoulder to cry on, they need someone to carry the groceries. And friends are like water in a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You have to keep putting new ones in on top because as time goes on some fall out of the bottom. I know what he’s saying is true, I just wish it wasn’t. 

I’m in this weird place. Many singles at church have never been married and don’t have kids, so they treat me a little differently. Friends that are married with kids have their own life to live. I’ve joined a couple of single moms groups that have never taken off, thus never connecting with them. Many of the women from my divorce group are all very embedded with their already established friends.

I don’t have my kids this entire week and I’ve tried to connect with friends I haven’t seen in a while and  everyone is busy. Not begrudging them their business, but it’d be nice to have a friend who called me to go out to dinner. Everyone’s Facebook page is shouting “My friends are the best” and honestly I’m a bit jealous. 

I guess what I’m saying is I’d like to find my tribe. I thought I was on my way to doing this, but I’m not sure. I need good solid Christian women in my life. I’m a very loyal friend who really gives a lot to my friendships.

Anyway, I figured that’s something You can help with me.