- I didn’t get a good night’s sleep or start at 7 am.
- I didn’t get my quiet time this morning because the kids got up when I got up.
- I didn’t get the kids to school on time because we were running late.
- I didn’t get to run outside because I didn’t want to battle the cold.
- I didn’t get the majority of my to do list done.
- I didn’t run 3 miles, I only ran 2.
- I didn’t get to spend my evening the way I wanted.
But it was all ok. I think the fog is thinning. In the not too far distance, the sun seems to be breaking through the clouds. Just a peek. But that’s all that’s needed. Because I know this too shall pass.
It was very encouraging to have a great response to my question on depression and prayer. I had some great tweets of support as well.
I’ve also been trying to focus on accomplishing just 1 or 2 “must-do” activities a day, not my entire list. Trying to push myself and put too much pressure on what I’m doing or not doing gets me no where. As Dr. F, my therapist, says, ” You know Amy, all the things you want to accomplish are great things, just not all at the same time.” Ha!
The irony in that is I was just fine doing nothing, with no specific goals and no specific agenda for the day or the future except for writing and learning. But I began to feel a lot of pressure about having a life plan, what was my next step going to be, what career decisions should I make. My anxiety started to build and trying to make decisions became harder. But the pressure was worse because I have a house payment and my rental property was vacant going on 4 months. Two mortgages with temporary support was horrible.
But as this process was drawn out, the anxiety was replaced with the depression. I stopped writing and barely fit in any kind of exercise. Then I began to realize my outlets that I relied so heavily on in the beginning of this process were pushed by the wayside because I was so focused on career and life decisions. I was completely out of balance. Completely.
What made this day better was…
- being more focused on quality not quantity
- being gracious with myself & my kids
- connecting with some old friends and new friends
- accomplishing more than laying in bed all day (ha!)
- being told I am beautiful spontaneously by my son
- being told I love you by my daughter at least 5 times
It’s hard to be blue with a day like this 🙂