This blog is about my life. The new one I am creating moment by moment. This post is three in a series of four. It is intended to accomplish one thing and one thing only: It is about setting the record straight. It is about me letting go of the fear that I have held on to for years and getting naked in front of the world. It is about drawing a line in the sand for myself. It is about confession and perseverance and faith. Here’s what I figured out thus far and shared in my other posts:
Part 1 – Confessions
- The Problem: I make men my higher power.
- The Result: Emotional bondage and failed relationships.
- The Root Cause: (Here’s the kicker) I have never fully believed or accepted that GOD IS ENOUGH.
Part 2 – Perseverance
- I’ve been working on physical perseverance successfully.
- I’ve been working on spiritual perseverance with little to no results.
- You can dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s you want, but until you let go of some of the things you know are not right and embrace some of the truths that are, you may just not get the results you are expecting.
And that’s where FAITH comes in…
It’s taken me a long time to continue this series because I didn’t feel like I was far enough in my journey to write about it. Faith, that is. The last 6 months of my life have been as enlightening as they have demanding. Connecting to God in a real relationship was a challenge. I kept doing all the “right” things. I prayed every day. Read my devotional every day. Went to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Yet the experience of having a real relationship with Christ was not happening. Why?
After attending Crosspoint Church and hearing Pete Wilson’s series on SYNC (a series about what to do when you are out of sync with God) I began to understand that wanting Christ to form in my life completely had a lot more to do with my ability to trust than checking the boxes of “right” things. Where I was in my spiritual life was a direct reflection of my faith in Christ.
Faith – Confidence or trust in a person or thing; Belief that is not based on proof.
Trust – Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, etc. of a person or thing.
As adults I believe we become jaded from the pain and suffering we experience growing up. Everyone has their heart broken. Everyone has lost someone special due to tragedy or illness. Everyone has experienced loss or failure in some form even when we have asked God for help. Those moments are critical in defining how we trust God.
We have to choose to believe that although God can give us our desired outcome, He may choose not to. It is our active expression of faith when we choose to believe He is a sovereign, loving and capable God regardless of the outcome. I use the word active because it requires personal effort, engaged participation. This is the essence of trust and faith in God.
Knowing that God CAN ___, doesn’t mean He WILL ___, and I’m OK with it.
Doesn’t the bible say to come to Christ with child-like faith. Why? Obviously, we become disenchanted adults as this sinful, fallen world dishes up its ugliness to us on a platter and tells us to enjoy. But a child learning to walk will fall over and over and over again, but they keep getting up. What has happened in the past is irrelevant, whether it was last week or 2 minutes ago. They will continue trying to take those first few steps. That is an active expression of faith. (personal effort, engaged participation)
When I realized I wanted to really establish a solid relationship with Christ in my life, I started completing my to do list of right things as well as asking God to take charge of my life. Yet I’m doing things that do not relinquish control. In essence what I was really saying was:
“You can have ALL of me, EXCEPT this one little piece I still want to manage.”
Then it becomes easy to feel that God isn’t speaking to me or helping to guide my life choices. So stage two of denial sets in and I can say: “God, do with me what you will. In the meantime, I’ll be over here distracted by this little piece that I’m managing.” I was not only distracted by it, but I was also not willing to give it up and let God be enough. Even if God was speaking to me, trying to guide me, I would have never heard it because my mind was elsewhere.
How can God do His God-thing with me in the way doing it for Him.
What was I so scared of? The answer to that question didn’t really matter because there was only one thing I had to do. Give it up! All of it, just not the parts that were easy. It’s a bit like being an alcoholic. Drinking a glass of wine does not make you an alcoholic nor does it make wine bad. However, if you cant put the bottle down and walk away it means at a minimum you have a problem and most likely it’s bad for you. Does that make sense?
Letting go of everything meant there was really no one else to rely on other than God, no where else to turn except to God. This was my active expression of faith in God. (personal effort, engaged participation)
“God, YOU are enough, you really have ALL of me, I am Yours, and I am listening.”
What happened next was more than amazing. Tune in for Part 4- My full circle moment.