Facing Disappointments


Facing life’s disappointments is one of my greatest challenges lately.  And I think it is safe to say that many of us struggle with that same issue. You want something, you pray for it, it does not happen, you’re really bummed. Disappointed. 

 When I first started writing this blog, my spirits were much higher and as the divorce is proceeding there are issues to deal with and it is getting harder to maintain that positive ‘life is an open book’ attitude.  So, what’s going on and how to deal with it?

  • Divorce Process – I feel like we have been at a stand still for 2 months now.  Although he granted temporary support; every other day he tells me he is not going to pay it.  My attorney is trying to avoid court and meadiation to save money (I think) and allow me to negotiate the deals.  But it is taking forever because he is unpredictable. Getting him to sign off on anything is a miracle. And the longer we draw it out the more difficult it is and the more frustrated I get. I feel like I’m managing my own divorce and it is the most emotionally exhausting thing I’ve ever done. What to do?  Just deal. That’s all I’ve got for this one. I just have to keep pushing forward. Do my best to focus on what needs to be done and get it done. It’s a struggle, but I keep plodding along. I have to be patient and know it will come together. I think my anxiety is to have it over to start the next phase of my life. But I really need to take the time to get this done correctly, because my children are involved and it is a challenge to do the right thing for them when he fights me that all the time.  But it is possible. All things are possible.
  • New House – The inspection was not extremely pretty. Which is a real bummer.  There’s a lot of things that need fixed, which is typical in an old house. But it just piles one more thing on the plate. Negotiations are tough when you are being mentally drained elsewhere.  I have a fear that is motivating me just to settle. But that is not the brightest idea. I’m a pretty decent negotiator having the experience from GM as a supplier manager and closing $200+ million contracts. But I feel like I was smarter then in a way.  I doubt that to be true, I think it is more that I didn’t have so many other things distracting me. What to do?  Just be thankful that I have a house to go to and the repairs appear to be nothing too significant.  I think sometimes we get caught up in the details of what’s wrong instead of looking at what’s right.  I have a seller that is willing to lease the house to me for a reasonable, reduced rent until the divorce is final so we can close without exTBD getting his paws on it.  That’s huge! We may not close it August or September. But I will have a safe, nice house to live in with the kids.  That is the most important part. Negotiating $1000 here or there is small change in comparison to the security and freedom this will give me and my kids. It’s time to buck up! 🙂 
  • New Career – Ya’ll know I interviewed for a job with a company that would take me in a new direction of a career path.  I posted on it in Living On A Prayer.  I prayed, asked others to pray. And although the interview went very well, I still did not get it. 😦  I was over-qualified? How is it possible to be over-qualified in a field you’ve never been in and know nothing about? Yes, on paper I do read over-qualified, sure. But going in at a ground level is a really good way to learn.  But, I prayed that if it was to be per God’s will it would happen. Guess he has other things in mind.  What to do?  Accept this as God’s will and trust that he will provide.  Being such an independent do it all, it’s a challenge, but it is doable. I can and have to let go.  In the mean time I have continued praying and found a new job available for another ministry that sounds like it was made for me. I mean it fits my skill set better, so I applied for it. But it’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything, so who knows.  This is my lesson on letting God provide. I just have to keep praying and breathing, right?
  • New Friend – I mentioned before that I lost contact with a friend recently. Nothing drastic, just life, ya know. But the thing that I miss the most is that this person was a total cheerleader for me.  They had been there, they got it.  They did such an amazing job of building me up. “You are such a strong woman! You can handle anything!” “You are a great mom!” “You my friend are incredible” “You have a great taste for a better life and are going for it!”  In a way, it’s superficial to want to hear this kind of praise. But when you go through a divorce, it wears on your confidence and security. All I know is when I was hearing those things, I felt great and full of life and empowered. Now that it is gone, not so much. It’s harder to feel it on your own because your confidence is so shaken.  What to do?  I think I have to do a couple of things. First I have to tell my friends how I’m feeling and ask for help. Which feels silly – ‘Gee, I dont feel great today, will you tell me how awesome I am?’  Humm, maybe not like that. But I think they perceive me as being strong, they assume that I dont need to hear those things. And most of the time, I think I fake strong because it’s easier than being vulnerable. What am I going to do? Curl up in bed and pretend it’s not happening or make the very best of a really bad situation and try my best, with God’s help, to put together the best life possible for me & my kids.  Exactly, the latter. But it is hard sometimes. So hearing how great I’m doing and how I’m an incredible mom may seem superficial and silly, but it helps get me over that hump. It helps me to take another deep breath and keep going. The second thing is I have to let God help fill this void in my life and give me strength. I’ve started reading a daily devotional entitled “Jesus Calling.”  It was recommended by my Divorce Care group as a really great read that helps on those days when you’re not feeling it. Here’s what it says today….

April 26 – Welcome Problems as perspective-lifters. My children tend to sleepwalk through their days until they bump into an obstacle that stymies them. If you encounter a problem with no immediate solution, your response to that situation will take you either up or down. You can lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling sorry for yourself. This will take you down into a pit of self-pity. Alternatively, the problem can be a ladder, enabling you to climb up and see your life from My perspective. Viewed from above, the obstacle that frustrated you is only a light and momentary trouble. Once your perspective has been heightened, you can look away from the problem altogher. Turn toward Me, and see the Light of My Presence shining upon you. ~Jesus Calling

Wow, what timing! How true!  I think I am really going to enjoy this devotional.  I’ve never read one before, so it is a special treat.

Lastly, I’m going to do is keep writing and running? I’ve actually thought about not continuing those things lately because they do take up a lot of my time.  But ya know I need it.  I didn’t get a chance to run all week and I feel like crap (to put it nicely) I will be running tonight after this post. For Sure! Most people don’t get the blogging thing either, but I have found it to be more than just theraputic. It’s a way for me to reach out and connect. I want everye who is reading this to take away something from it that touches their life in a way they didn’t expect. We are all together, for the most part, wanting the same things: to be happy, safe and loved. We need to help each other get there any way we can.

So, I will ask you this..  Are there other things you do to face your disappointments? What helps you? Let’s share our secrets with each other and lift each other up in the process!

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6 thoughts on “Facing Disappointments

  1. I know it’s sure hard for me to ask for help or encouragement–even when I know I need it! For some reason, I believe my friends will think less of me. They don’t, and I know that (in my head), but I still feel hesitant to ask.

    As for financial encouragement, my husband has been without a steady job for nearly a year now (since mid-June 2007) and God has provided what we need every single month. Rent, utilities, food, even Christmas presents!

    One other thing … positive is a lot easier to be on the other side. In the midst of a situation, I find it really difficult to see the good, but as I look back, it can be much more clear.

    “The Lord bless you and keep you. May He smile on you and be gracious to you. May God turn His face toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)

  2. Vulnerability is so hard, but it is so worth it. I sometimes think I am going to wear my friends out with my transparency. But you know what? I would rather them know the real me than the fake me. If I fake with them, I am not allowing them to even have the chance to love me.

    I am so glad you are going through divorce care. My group was a lifeline for me for that season of my life.

    You should also know that you have inspired me to get up off my butt and start training again for that half-marathon I keep saying I am going to do. I’m joining a gym this week. What you are sharing definitely touches this girl’s life. I have been there.

  3. Vulnerability is so hard, but it is so worth it. I sometimes think I am going to wear my friends out with my transparency. But you know what? I would rather them know the real me than the fake me. If I fake with them, I am not allowing them to even have the chance to love me.

    I am so glad you are going through divorce care. My group was a lifeline for me for that season of my life.

    You should also know that you have inspired me to get up off my butt and start training again for that half-marathon I keep saying I am going to do. I’m joining a gym this week. What you are sharing definitely touches this girl’s life. I have been there.

  4. Shanda: Oh my! You lifted me up tonight for sure! I was inspired to run by reading a blog and feeling the personal challenge bubbling up inside me. I’m humbled and overjoyed that I have paid it forward! Check out Jeff Galloway’s training program at http://www.jeffgalloway.com. It’s made the world of difference for me. Rockstar Runners use the same program and those people can run! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  5. Jems,

    May I offer a story in hopes that it brings you some food for thought.

    I represent author Susan Hanshaw and her upcoming book “Inner Architect: How To Build The Life You Were Designed To Live.”

    Susan left a 20 yr corporate career that no longer fit her purpose or her heart. She suffered as her second marriage fell apart when her husband announced he was leaving her for another woman in 1995.

    After going through heart break and the process of leaving behind a successful career, Susan has mapped out a step by step guide on how to transition.

    Her book provides:

    1. Awareness and help identifying your passionate interests

    2. How to utilize these interest as building blocks to create your desired reality

    3. Understanding how purpose effects our life and work

    Would you consider reviewing Susan’s book upon it’s debut in June?

    Here is a link to our blog http://innerarchitect.wordpress.com

    Be well we would like to help if we can do so.

    dean and susan

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