I am in a unique position in my life. I get a Mulligan or a do-over for the non-golfers. A chance to start fresh. I used to be in corporate management and now I dabble in real estate investment and am the owner of JEMS baby blankets. But more than anything, I am in the process of discovery.
Going through this awakening and rediscovering my passions creates a very unique situation for me to start over in life. Many people either don’t have the opportunity or don’t take it when it is available because of fear. Many of the decisions we make in life are fear based. Most of it is subliminal fear, yet it still guides us in a sly and subtle way. Fear of failure or of the unknown are easy ones to spot. Fear of disappointing loved ones for of making a choice they do not understand, that is something a bit more subtle. So what fears am I experiencing… all of them.
Ultimately, I have to find a way to support my kids within the next few months. Part of my brain tells me to suck it up and go back to the auto industry working 60+ hour weeks for a decent salary, put the kids in daycare 10 hours a day and try to make the best that I can like every other single mother raising kids. But then I get sick to my stomach at the idea of it all. I have no passion for it.
My heart and my gut tell me to push aside the fears and find a way. Find a way to make it happen. Follow a dream to work for something that drives me, that excites me, that I can be good at and support my kids and still have a life with them, not just be making money for them. I know in my heart of hearts I have to make this choice work. I may not make a lot of money doing it and that’s ok by me, if I can find a passion and a way to make this work for a better life for me and my kids.
I need to work for a purpose, not a paycheck.
For whatever reason, God has led me down this path and every time I turn the corner another door opens. I am terrified and thrilled and trying so hard not to let my fears take over. I guess that is part of the reason I posted Jeremiah 29:11 on my blog. So I would read it and remind myself to let God provide. But that still does’t mean it’s not scary as heck sometimes. 🙂
So, a few weeks ago I wrote a letter explaining my dilema to a complete stranger asking for help. He gracious met me for coffee and has helped me make some connections. Today I interviewed for a position with a company that has purpose. I have a lot of people praying for me regarding this job. It is nothing like I’ve experienced before, but I can see the bigger picture and it makes me smile.