I read this guy‘s blog daily as a part of the top 5 I hit on a regular basis. But lately it’s almost like he’s writing it for me personally. I’m going through a pretty stressful transition in my life. My husband, who I’ve been with for 10 years, filed for divorce. I havent written about that much because this blog is about going BEYOND the divorce. It’s about new opportunities and a new life for me & the kids. (2.5 YO twins) Yet, a huge part of what I am dealing with is the daily stress of living with him, meeting with lawyers, negotiating a parenting plan, child support & alimony. Then there is the balance of my personal life – where am I going to live, how will I take care of the kids alone, what do I want to be when I grow up, do I follow a dream I’ve had since High School or do I just go back to doing what I know I’m good at but dont enjoy? It’s a lot to digest. It impacts the majority of my week and my everyday. So how is this all connected?
Well, see the repeated themes in the sport analogies are relax, slow down, keep pace, breath deep, focus on form, finish well. You may feel like panicing, like you’re running out of breath or going too fast, like you can’t or shouldn’t slow down or rest to win; but it will all be ok if you just slow down as instructed before.
I recently started running, so I am a neophyte in the running world and still trying to figure out to transition from the treadmill to the outdoors. Man, do I blow big time! Have no clue how I’m ever going to run the 5k in a week and 1 day. I can’t run more than 1 mile outside. And if I hit a pace more than 5.0 (12 min/mile) my right knee feels like it’s going to explode. Nice! And I can’t seem to find any time to train or workout because of the kids, the husband, etc.
So, when I do hit it outside I am trying to focus on my breathing and relaxing and not letting myself get psychologically defeated within the first half mile. Because that’s what seems to happen most of the time. It’s different running outside. And I think I let that mess with me to a degree. Then my breathing becomes more rapid and swallow and my heartbeat increases and soon I’m winded & ready to stop. Thinking I can’t possibly do this. So after reading the posts all week, I’ve been trying to focus on breating and relaxing and form. Focusing on those things takes the focus off the panic and it has helped a bit. But I need to work on it a lot more.
A lot of these same lessons (relax, slow down, keep pace, breath deep, focus on form, finish well) apply to a sport that I do know better, which is golf. I’m not a great golfer, but I have some natural talent that just would often get overshadowed by my nerves and insecurities in the T box. It always seemed that I would nail it or snub it, no middle ground for me. So, I took a couple of lessons and oddly enough one of the things you practiced when hitting the ball off the T was doing it with your eyes closed after practicing some deep breathing. This accomplished several things: 1. When you are staring a the ball, you often try too hard to hit it and forget your form and mechanics of your swing. Then you hit is poorly. If your eyes are closed the pressure is off and you’re focused on mechanics of the swing. 2. Another very common mistake is raising your head up to follow your ball to see where it goes. In golf, as in life, we often like to get ahead of ourselves because we are not patient & too anxious. If you lift your head up too soon, you dont follow through your swing correctly. In general, repeating this exercise and your swing in a relaxed state enough times you begin to rely on muscle memory and can focus on relaxing & finishing well.
I have been praying for God to give me grace, dignity and strength through this transition. And as I have read and prayed this week. I think these are the same things. Being albe to handle this divorce with grace and dignity and strength means that I am focusing on breathing deep and focusing on my form. How I deal with my husband and the stress and the kids and people around me. Will I allow it to bring me down? Or will I keep my focus on my kids and making the best future for them? Well, that’s what I hope I am doing. Sometimes it gets hard, especially when he is being cruel or abusive, but just when I feel like I’m drowning in that pool of deep water; I remember that it’s all going to be ok because if I wait just a minute I know the moment will pass, I can take a deep breath, relax and keep my focus.
If you have the chance to read his posts this week, please do, I think you will be please.