Something amazing happened to me today in worship service that has never happened before and I was so excited I couldn’t wait to write about. A couple weeks ago I was reading something in Ragamuffin Soul about a woman in his church in CA who just didn’t get the hand raising thing. Well, I know why they were doing it, I get it mentally, I just don’t feel it spiritually. That often bothers me. Was there something wrong with me? I know all the facts of being a Christian, believe them whole-heartedly and will defend them to anyone who challenges my faith. So why don’t I feel it. Was I that emotionally dead inside? But Carlos said something else about people having a genuine, passionate worship of Christ and I realized that I have never had that except when I was very young. It seemed to disappear right around HS, when I noticed my mom & dad having marital problems & I discovered boys. (Gee, think there’s a connection there.)
One of the really important changes I’ve made in my life recently is praying to know God. Remember, it’s one of the things on my list. Praying, for Him to really just come in to my life and overhaul. I’m done, I’m tired. I quit. Quite frankly – I just really suck at it. I’ve been praying in the morning, at night, in the car, sometimes in the afternoon in a pile of tears beside my bed, but mostly I pray when I run. At first there were a lot of tears and I thought the people at the Y were going to throw out the ‘crazy lady on the treadmill’. But they didn’t. Now there are fewer tears. I’ve been attending my old church again and although it’s gone through a lot of changes it feels like home to me. So this is where the really cool part comes in HE! HE!
Back to today… I had attended a class taught by Kyle Wall and I filled out all the papers to transfer my membership letter back to The People’s Church in Franklin, TN. Yeah!!! I’m coming home again! So I was pretty excited about that. Then I went to the worship service and I sat down near the front! Which was odd, because I never do that; I’m more of a hide in the back rafters kind of girl. It was a great service. Pastor Rick was humorous and educational as always and the music phenomenal. So, Chad is up there singing and we’re all bopping along in the audience and there comes a line in the song that goes something like, “we raise our hands…”, & MINE WENT UP! I didn’t think about it, no self conscientiousness about it, they were just there – UP and I was singing. (And that’s not really a good thing) but I was happy and the music was great and I felt alive and at peace and connected with God all at the same time. And then, I realized I was actually doing it – Hey I’m lifting up my hands! I’m one of those people who can lift up there hands during worship & it’s real & my heart is so full right now. Then I felt a little silly for being so excited about it. And I put them down again. But hey, that means I’m not emotionally dead inside. I am alive. I can feel. And the things that I have been doing in my life, the changes I’ve been making, the shift in focus, the daily prayers, all the blog reading – because you all speak to me! It is working! When you (as in me, as in I) actually just put in a little effort to know Him, remove the obstacles in your way, even if you need His help to do it, He will be there. I am on the right path in my life for what feels like the first time. And this morning, I RAISED MY HANDS IN WORSHIP which proves it.
So have any of you felt like this before, may be not getting it like everyone else in a worship service? Or do you remember the first time a worship service really lit a fire in you? Tell me about it. I’d love to hear more!